We love falling in love but no one enjoys what we call “heartbreak” that often follows the most amazing love stories. But is there anything that can be done to minimize potential of the heartbreak from the very start of each relationship?
The answer, in my opinion, is very simple: we have to stay awake. Below I bring you as much detail as I can offer from my present day understanding of things.
When you first meet that “special someone”…
1. Do not create or follow any “stories” and “scenarios” from the web, predictions, psychic readings, etc. or from inside your own head that from day one will most definitely blind you to what exactly is going on within your connection.
2. Pay attention and be present. Watch out for not being able to see your partner for who they really are, due to only seeing what you imagine them to be and/or “seeing” their “future potential” created by your own hopes and imagination.
3. Keep your eyes open, remain aware of what is going on with both them and yourself in every moment of every time you are together and also apart. Be aware of the fact that most of us do not really see others, we only see ourselves and our own ideas. Knowing this, strive to do your best to stay awake.
4. Do not develop expectations of any sort: be present in the NOW, observe the natural flow of your connection. Make room to receive, make room to let go. Be flexible, flow with ease. Remember that all disappointments come from unfulfilled expectations.
5. Acknowledge to yourself that with the constant shifts things can change on a dime. Remember that the flow continues on and nothing is ever guaranteed. Know this and be ok with it.
6. Do not develop an attachment to the “idea” of this person’s presence in your life. Even marriage does not guarantee this.
7. Check your own “attachment pulse” every day. If you notice any sign of growing attachment (“How can I do/be this or that without him/her now?”) catch yourself, correct and get back on track. Re-connect with the independent version of yourself from before you met them. Maintaining your non-attachment will be easy enough if you practice this from the very beginning. By doing this, you will not love them less; but you will definitely not “lose” yourself.
8. Consciously create “vesica pisces” relationship, where each partner maintains a certain level of their own sovereignty in passions, mission, purpose, projects, etc; yet when you two come together your co-creation and combined energy produce a powerful shared “third” space. Being self-actualized first is a must for this one.
9. Do not attempt to take over your partner’s entire space, respect their boundaries and freedom. If your partner tries to overtake your entire space, stand your ground lovingly but firmly.
10. Own your choices. Regardless of what is happening now, you are the one who attracted them, brought them in and chose to be involved with them.
11. Watch out for victim mentality and desire to blame your partner for your disappointments, suffering and pain. Use any pain as an opportunity to learn and process more about yourself. This is what emotional pain is there for to begin with.
12. Do your best to really listen and understand where your partner is coming from. Be determined to respect their choices. These choices might be very different from what you want and your partner has as much right to do what works for them as you do. Be ok with it. Even if you are sharing a path, each one of you has their own path too.
13. If things go “south” be determined to be good to yourself and move on within reasonable amount of time without wallowing or blaming. Remember that you are not helpless in this and that your entire system and time of recovery will depend on where you direct it. Make a conscious choice and let go soon enough.
14. Remind yourself that no matter how good, this probably was not your first love and, unless you insist on holding on to the “idea” of that partner being “the One”, they would most definitely not be the last.