There have been endless numbers of books, articles, studies made and written on the topic of relationships.
Everything in our life IS relationships. From the moment we are born to our last breath – we are always surrounded by and in relationship with so many people around us – parents, friends, siblings, elders, colleagues, bosses, girlfriends/boyfriends, husbands/wives etc.
The topic is so ever vast that it is virtually impossible to cover it in one or even series of articles – nor it was intended to. If anything – the purpose of this one is to merely offer a different take on such well known, commonly discussed, taken for granted, hardly ever contemplated upon topic.
It is only when we stop, taking a pause from being busy “living” and presented with a different approach to unshakable foundation of the principles of our lives – when the truth emerges ( to those ready and open for it ) affording a rare opportunity for change and transformation.
The purpose of this article to do just that – to make you stop, re evaluate, take a look at the topic from a totally different perspective and possible change as a result.
Since we’re approaching a Valentine’s Day it is only natural to talk about a particular type of relationship – a romantic one.
Ahh, how much meaning, emotions, feelings, associations come upon us when hear the sound of “romantic relationships”! And while we refer to the same – our personal experience, description and perception of such will vary from one person to another.
There are so many factors influencing, impacting and shaping our personality and as such, perception on life – romantic relationship including.
It starts from early childhood when we see our parents, our close family members, friends and their parents and continues on throughout entire life – to movies, books, commercials and societal norms and values.
By the time you’re 15 years young ( if not earlier ) you’ve already been shaped into another product of our society adhering, agreeing, sharing and living by its norms and values. And while it appears to be the “way of the world” – let’s just pause for a second and ask ourselves: “Is it SO?”
Is what we’ve been shown, sold, brainwashed and taught – SO? Is it how things really are? Is it how YOU truly are?!!! Deep inside, your heart/soul knows the answer but oftentimes is too afraid to admit it even to yourself let alone to others.
But let’s just say be honest for a moment and say it together out loud “ NO, IT IS NOT!!!!” Feels liberating, does it not?!
So if it is NOT – what IS it, then?
See, for most of us, romantic relationships are normally associated with loving somebody, feeling strong emotions/attraction/connection ( whether physical or emotional in nature or both) towards somebody, knowing that it’s your
boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife or everything else in between.
Sure, we also care about this person, love them, worry for them/about them but have you ever asked yourself what made you be in a relationship with this person in the first place? What made you be attracted to them ( on whatever level ), what was your motive and the reason for getting into that kind of relationship?
If you were to dig deeper – you’d see that what drives us to be in romantic relationship is actually fear, lack, dissatisfaction, unhappiness, incompleteness, previous rejections and disappointments ( mainly with ourselves ) covered by layers upon layers of “this person makes me complete and makes me feel so good” kind of feelings.
True! Our partners do make us feel good but these are relationships based on trade and exchange of goods ( a business transaction at its best ) – “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” kind of thing.
Deep within many of us feel lonely, insecure, afraid, unhappy with ourselves, our lives, unwilling to do something about it so we’re looking for the outside stimuli – to make it all go away and make us feel good.
And you know what – it does…for a short ( sometimes a bit longer ) period of time. But our own insecurities, unhappiness, deep seated fears never left and now will be coming out in the very same relationship that should have liberated us from them. Sounds familiar? Of course it does – that’s how we all live!
We will get mad, angry and frustrated with our partner, we will blame, point fingers, accuse, express our dismay with them/their words/their behavior but we’ll never ask ourselves the main question – why I am with this person/in this relationship in the first place?!
So here’s why – ANY relationships ( especially romantic ) is an opportunity for us/ for our soul to evolve, to learn something new, to release something old and to become better version of ourselves. It’s another, beautifully designed and nicely wrapped, opportunity to continue our spiritual and Conscious growth – through this particular teacher/guru we call husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend.
When you start perceiving a romantic relationship as a rare opportunity for your soul to evolve ( or on human level – for you to become a better version of yourself ) suddenly everything you ever known about romantic relationship, fades away, dissipates but important of all – start making sense.
When you realize that your partner is NOT or ever was “your” partner, that he or she owes you nothing, is not there to make you happy, satisfy, complete and whole – for first time you’ll experience freedom!
See our partners are indeed not there to make us any of above – it is rather our
own job! They’re merely a mirroring reflection of your own fears, insecurities, lacks and limitations. To blame them for showing it to us and/or to expect from them a certain behavior – makes absolutely no sense when you realize that you’re in this relationship to work on yourself and yourself alone.
Many believe it’s both partners’ responsibility to invest in relationship and as such – each is responsible for 50% of it, right? Wrong!!!! You and you alone are responsible for 100% of it regardless to what you make out of this statement!
See true romantic relationships are based on few very simple principles and if properly adhered and regarded will yield ever growing, long lasting and harmonious relationships for years to come
– we are in romantic relationships to master ourselves/to grow Consciously and spiritually (and there’s all to it !!! )
– we are in relationships to master inner fulfillment and wholeness from within
– the highest form of love – is freedom
– our partner is a mirroring reflection of us – to amplify and show us our lessons
– real romantic relationship are NOT
co dependency of two partners in one another rather their
total and completely independence of each other (two whole and independent entities choosing to walk this segment of the Life path for a certain time period together )
So if you can start looking at your partner not as your lover but as your Guru you will experience the
highest form of Love – the Un Conditional Love.
May this realization and possible inner transformation, as a result of it, be your special Valentine’s gift to you Loved one.
Photography by Dina Divine (Turetsky)
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