Manifesting The Relationship That You Want


As a woman of 29 living and (previously) dating in New York City, I’ve had all sorts of dating encounters, all that you could imagine, and more often—nightmares—looking for love in this bustling city. I remember sitting on a park bench, chatting about the terrible NYC dating scene with a good friend of mine when she introduced me to the magic of manifestation.

“I had this friend Abby and her and I were having a similar discussion, talking nightmare dating, and then we began to talk about what we wanted in a partner. Literally, two weeks later she met this guy who had every single one of the qualities that she mentioned. She met him at a concert that her friends bailed going to and they totally fell in love on the dance floor. They love the same music—which she mentioned wanting in a partner—and for her birthday he got her tickets to all these concerts that she wanted to go to, one for every month for 6 months. They’re practically married now, it’s insane! She just spoke it and it was done!”

At the time I had heard a lot about manifestation but wasn’t sure how much I believed in it myself. What I did notice was that I was attracting the same patterns of men in my life, men that I needed to take care of, fixer-up-ers, so to speak. We were nearing the new moon, which is a wonderful peak time for manifestation, and I decided to put my manifestation magic to the test. I went home, sat outside on my porch in the cold, under the stars and filled up a sheet of paper–front and back– with all the things in a partner that I wanted to manifest. I thought about all of the things that weren’t serving me in my past partnerships and I wrote down the equivalent opposite of each plunder, filling my page with personal qualities like compassion, warm heartedness, willingness to help others, interest in health and spirituality. I even made a note to attract someone who was a bit taller than me, with dark features, and who had a job that I appreciated but not a job that I did (I was beginning a shift from health coaching to shamanic healing at the time). I dug a hole in the center of my garden, tore up the pieces and buried them in the dirt. I’m giving it to the earth, I said to myself. I don’t want to be bothered with all of the details. Send me what is for my highest good, when the time is right.

Of course, like any 26-year-old, I was rather impatient and what timing was deemed best for me for this partner’s arrival was not the timing I was happy to wait out. While out on the park bench with my friend that day I had made a joke, putting the call out for Aquarius men to come flow my way. Looking back at all of my more successful relationships I realized that all of my boyfriends had had birthdays in early February. They were all Aquarius men. Thinking that this would be helpful for me, I called in just that—wave upon waves of Aquarius men. And how frustrating was that! Several attractive Aquarians came into my life within weeks of each other, but none were great boyfriend material. A few of them strung me along and confused the heck out of me. After two months of this I pleaded with the heavens to get those Aquarians out of my love life. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it! I’d cry up at the night sky. I had unleashed Pandora’s Box of airy, whimsical, non-committal dudes. I guess I should have been more specific!

Still, my manifestation wish lay buried under the ground. I had made no note about astrological signs in my wish list (thank GOD), and for a time, I decided to let all of my yearnings go and take the time to work on myself.

Working on myself just happened to be the best thing that I could have done in the meantime! You see, when we are hurting or are entangled in chaos, that’s the mirror that we attract. Until we uproot what does not serve us and begin to root down the qualities and practices that do, we attract the equivalent of ourselves. I took about a year and a half off from that place of desperation and wanting and dedicated my love practice to myself instead of others. I began to shape shift the mirrors in my life and strengthened love for myself, and that’s when the time became right for exactly what I had prayed for. In fact, all at one time, 3 men appeared in my life who fit the bill of what I was calling out for. Soon enough, however, I began to see that one of these men lacked the compassion I was asking for and another lacked the commitment. There came a time when I watched the reflection of these men disappoint me, a pattern that I was sick and tired of seeing in my life and I decided to put an end to what was not serving me and I ended any romantic connection with them. It was when I told the universe, I’m done settling for these old patterns and I want a relationship that fully honors me that the magic began to happen.

I had begun assisting a class at a holistic healing center in the city, coerced into taking an acupressure class by my director who placed me in the next available class, sad that I had been away for 8 weeks and didn’t get to select any classes to take that September. I barely knew what acupressure was about but went along with it, happy to get to assist and take a free class. When I walked into the class I immediately felt a deep love and appreciation for the teacher, William. It was like every cell in my being lit up to be in his presence. But I shook off the butterflies to stay present and professional, even though it was a volunteer job and I was contemplating dropping out of the assistance ship that Fall. After the class had ended, William and I had begun to do a trade of services. I was doing soul retrieval sessions with him and he was doing acupuncture with me.

When I chose to release these other men that did not serve me, I refocused on honoring and loving myself deeply and bought myself a ring made of goldstone, that reminded me of my inner light. It was then as if a golden thread that connected William and me began to shorten, pulling us together by the heartstrings. His power animal, dragon was visiting me regularly, sharing secrets about William with me and William was being drawn to me too. The night that I was speaking on a panel for love and sexuality, William appeared in the audience at the event. I could feel his support and connection while I spoke, and immediately after the panel discussion commenced, my ring shattered into pieces in front of him. That weekend it was as if we were possessed by love for one another. Synchronicities and serendipities abounded, even thought we were hundreds of miles apart (I was on a business trip in Bethlehem, PA). I could feel my heart opening when he would think of me, and I could sense when he was reading one of my emails and responding to me. We were psychically connected.

When I returned to NYC that following Monday, I went right to William’s office for another one of our trades. This time he sat me down to tell me that he had fallen in love with me, from spirit, and that he didn’t know how he could continue on with the trade considering his feelings. At that point I admitted the deep love connection I had felt with him since the moment we had met, and our love was sealed in that moment.

In the weeks following our new romantic connection, I traveled back to my old neighborhood, a few blocks away from my old garden where I had buried the wish list. I was on my way to my former neighbor’s house for dinner, walking along the opposite side of the street to where I traveled on my old commute. Something suddenly caught my eye across the street and I had to do a double take. It was as if I were seeing twinkles of light in the air over my old walking route. Then I heard a voice that came from above me, within me, and beside me at the same time that said, You manifested William with those wishes over there. Remember the wishes you used to make on your way to work? Suddenly it had occurred to me that I had made the same wish every day, while walking on that particular block. I remembered that I had dated a cute Greek guy in the days before I had entered into a nightmare relationship in my early 20’s. When I moved to Astoria I often thought about dating another Greek guy. Astoria was crawling with Greeks, many of them attractive, and I daydreamed about having one as a boyfriend. Why can’t I meet a nice Greek guy from Astoria? I would repeat in my head while walking to work on that stretch of sidewalk. It was as if I was mindlessly thinking it everyday on that block. In shock, I realized that I had actually manifested a nice Greek guy from Astoria. William was born and raised in Astoria, NY!!! Your prayer was answered; the ominous voice seemed to speak. We manifested him for you.

William and I have been together for a year and a half and my heart has grown in ways that I didn’t realize that it could. We are mirrors for one another, which makes things difficult and easy at the same time. Our birthdays are 5 days apart (we’re two Libras if you’re wondering), plus a 20-year difference (opps, I wasn’t specific about that part either) and sometimes it’s crazy because it feels like I’m dating myself! So, do I think the manifestation trick is possible? ABSOLUTELY!

Let me give you the best manifestation advice I can give for manifesting a partner:

  1. Be specific! Write down all of the odds and ends that you’re looking for in a partnership. Literally everything and anything you can think of that you want.
  1. Be careful what you wish for, especially what you say a loud, because your prayers are heard and your prayers are answered!
  1. You can call in certain manifestations, even if you already have a partner that can make things better. You can call in better sex, more cuddle time, etc. and your dreams can manifest fully! Just be careful that you call those things into your current relationship or you may find that somebody new shows up to give you those things. It’s happened to me before, oops. This can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what you’re calling in.
  1. Be patient and work on yourself in the meantime. The more you improve yourself, the better the manifestation will be to mirror you!
  1. Be willing to say ‘NO’ to what does not meet your manifestation requirements. Sometimes this is just the test before the real manifest. This may aid you in shedding the old patterns that do not serve you so that you can really receive what you’ve been calling in.

So if you have something good, make it better. If you are ready for romance, call it in—exactly how you want it. And don’t be so surprised when you get it. Just receive it with open arms and an open heart.

Happy Valentine’s Day! <3

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About Author

Kristen Boyer

Kristen Boyer is a shamanic practitioner, writer, teacher, speaker and holistic psychologist. She fuses together creative arts therapy techniques, holistic counseling and psychology with traditional shamanic healing techniques. She is the author of Playing Karma: A Former Church Girl’s True Journey from Bondage to Enlightenment and the upcoming book Be Wholey You: How to Bounce Back from Any Challenging Life Experience (A layman’s guide to soul retrieval). She works in private practice in New York City, assisting clients in reclaiming their power from past traumas through ancient healing modalities like soul retrieval. To learn more, visit her at her website

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